You know it could be, I could be TOO open for him. I happened to read my horoscope today and some more info on Sagittarius.
The Sagittarian In Love
Sagittarians love any new form of sexual expression that challenges and excites them. Both tolerant and eager to please, THEIR HONESTY CAN SOMETIMES PROVE TOO MUCH FOR THOSE WHO PREFER A MORE MYSTERIOUS, OR VEILED APPROACH TO LOVE. Sagittarians are best involved with a steadier, stronger personality, who can understand their need for independence, yet still be there after an occasional flair of temper. Their frank and open motives are often misunderstood, threatening to more subdued signs. Although they hate to be tied down, they are willing to experiment with all manner of relationship styles. As long as their partner is able to keep up with their wide-ranging interests and is prepared to come up with new experiments in lovemaking (and certainly does not mind them doing the same), their relationship will be exciting and reasonably long lasting. Mutual honesty is the key to success for the Sagittarian.
Outside of all of that extra stuff, the second sentence really stood out to me. Maybe I'm being too honest. Too open. But that's me. I'm all about being as clear as I can be. But maybe I need to rethink who I need to be open with. But at the same time I have no regrets about saying how I feel. Being true to my sign I am "frank and open". This is me. And I like me. Love me.
I was hoping to hear from J but deep down I was really hoping to hear what I wanted to hear. So, what am I to learn from all of this not that I realize that J and I are not meant to be and I no longer have anger towards him?
So did we re-connect? I think it was for me to no longer have anger in my heart for him. Now I can end this the right way. I don't think he is the man for me. And I am not the woman for him. I have to be more careful of who I allow to enter into my heart. God says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" Proverbs 4:23.
I sent him a letter. Rather I sent him a link to my previous post about him and asked him for his thoughts. I haven't received a reply. He hasn't called. But at the end of the day, he has a girlfriend and he's just "not that into me." I believe he cares for me as a friend. We had a good time in the city but my inclinations for years ago still stand true today. We don't care for each other equally and that's ok. Because now I understand and I can work on removing him from my heart without malice as the force.
Here are some thoughts. A friend sent this to me. I have highlighted all the things that pertain to this situation:
SOLID, SPIRITUAL ADVICE ON MEN
A more important question is - how do you catch the RIGHT one?
Simple: You take only the bus that's headed in the RIGHT DIRECTION.
First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And
second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and
intellectual basis before it's made on an emotional one.
"What about love? Shouldn't that be the third?", you ask. No, and I'll tell you why.
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer 17:9). The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right directions: Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life"(Proverbs 4:23).
Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out
his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.
Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I
believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then
marriage. Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and
accountability, learning and growing together.
Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another
exclusively - it is in the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal
of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and
preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do
date, use the time wisely to gather facts:
1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this
man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus
Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as
well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important
factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your
potential spouse a member of the same family - the family of God? Scripture is
clear on this: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.
For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what
fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor 6:14). You need
to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to
day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet.
You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in
life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in
your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites
attract, like-minded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get
married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested,
don't waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married.
Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the
difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything
serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going in your direction,
get off the bus & wait for the right one.
2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who
is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be
clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who
finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Prov
18:22). Note - who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the
beginning of time, God has transported men & women across the world in order to put them together.
At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he
will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his
mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You
do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to
help a guy out because he's shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get
what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl
of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order
to gain your hand.
If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested.
Many a woman's mother has suggested that
it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As
cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think
about it:
"We love him because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Until
then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your
life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one
man your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right
man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any
time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker.
Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again - WAIT until
the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing
the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will
use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity
to woo you - this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard
for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the
relationship.
3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.
4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same
feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, checkout the rest of the body!
5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat
her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are
lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers,
really don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.
6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which
he's cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man
in your life to look like his present family situation.
7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated
cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? broken relationships?
problems in making commitments? including the job market? mood swings? Is a problem
always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or
shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember
all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear,
some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life.
Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.
8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with
that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got
busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help
until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man
in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow
life to happen around him?
A man who is not certain of his mission can be a
most miserable person - and you'll be miserable too if you don't know where YOU
want to go in life. A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose
mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant
because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of
your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his
own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating
dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best
out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the
smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who
is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are
looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first
instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to
decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.
9. Complementary. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do
his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two
of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of
those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an
attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so
important.
Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go
shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my
closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already
have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to
go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a
proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to
completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to
consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive
spiritually, emotional or physically?
Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you
are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are?
The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless
jewel-because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any
relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable
or that you have to work for love, is TOO EXPENSIVE! God has called the man to
cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but
emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit
for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make
rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.
10. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself?
Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships
and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will
care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love
for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not
something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or
teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal
priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is
causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading
you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to
Christ, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your
soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that
has a limited run. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the
force of your love for another is tested by the pull of gravity of the world,
your union will not be able to survive. So you decide. How much is your life
worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only
what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love
and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity.
Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a
ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man?
Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they desired.
The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.
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