My mental processes must follow a particular linear thought process if there is any hope in anyone else understanding what I am thinking. The initial phase is what I call "Chinese". It's pretty unintelligible to the average person. So if someone asks me what I am feeling I have a relatively quick conversion from Chinese to English and answer the question or just say "nothing" or "I'm good" (which is virtually never the case.) I wanted to write a blog but it isn't in full English mode, yet not completely Chinese. Hmm, enjoy.
Meat…inanimate
Why leave anyway?
Internally disturbed
Why expect to stay?
See intimacy differently?
Don't know
Think the worst but hope for the best
But thinking and hoping need each other, invest in each other so who gets the most capital?
Who wins?
Both verbs, "doing" words
Why meat? Used. Felt before?
Kevin, J, OD, Ellington, Damon
Create "used" story
Avoider tendency
playing the victim
let's not discount actual feeling, investigate why feel that way
investigate
ask why
keep it moving
prevent stagnation
no rest
always learning
be
learning self assumes there is a pre-established, pre-determined self and the self needs to discover within its self and it needs others to help the self direct attention towards itself in order to find that which is already there to find...in itself. our self. Its all there. just need to find it.
Fear what? Relationships? Rejection? Failure?
Insecure? About what? Me? Him. Whoever.
Mother felt secure? Granny secure? Bad marriages
Prescribed mode of action
If I know I need to know intentions and didn't know his
Think = preparation
Do you ever prepare for hope?
Can you hope and actively fear?
Fear hope or hope for fear
Fear. Excuse to avoid
My horoscope:
Monday, January 26
It may boost your ego when others remark about you, but there will always be a certain amount of criticism. Learn from this criticism if you want to build a meaningful relationship.
"Its interesting that what you feared came to fruition"
"Exactly"
"Yes exactly"
I think therefore I am
Think the worst and hope for the best.
Think hope, prepare for hope fulfilled.
Hope to not fear.
Peace
I am all that I am supposed to be at the time that I am.
Just be.
Used story creation, Defense mechanism
defend? against who? what?
why defend?
barriers prevent access of ban AND GOOD
scared of what?
who has been put on the offense?
who am i fighting?
why fight?
fighting?... protecting.
heart
feelings
self
protect = prevent = prepare for worst
too negative
get and give without boundaries
without fabricated dreams or stories
i think therefore i am
i am my thoughts and I think hope
i think boundlessness
i think love
i think caution with out submission to the unknown
i think i and completely capable of being...
being
satiated
love
care
stop declaring war when there is no battlefield
it's tiring
only one fighting is you
who has fought before?
who should have fought before
wanted to not be like them
prevent replicating their misery
warfare always bring misery
"Its interesting that what you feared came to fruition"
"Exactly"
"Yes exactly"
Not sure how I feel about bubble people.
people who walk around in an enclosed transparent cage.
why do i want to get to know them especially if they don't want to be known?
am i intrigued? i really want to ignore them but somehow i can't. but i want to. but i cant. go away bubble man!
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