Who is in love with a stripper?

So, a male friend of mine is getting married soon and he was talking to me about his upcoming bachelor party. He and his friends are going to fly 100’s of miles away to Miami, Florida were they are going to partake of tasty wines and notorious strip clubs. As he jokingly presented the itinerary I asked him how his fiancé felt about this excursion. He first said that he really didn’t like strip clubs and was just going because he knows his boys would have fun (which is the second time I’ve heard a man say that) but then he said she is fine with it, she doesn’t understand it but she’s fine. He went on to say that she knows he won’t do anything to jeopardize their marriage and if she was insecure he wouldn’t be marrying her.

This conversation made me wonder if I would mind my fiancé having a stripper. In my “younger days” I wanted to be the “cool” girlfriend and be calm and relaxed about my boyfriend going to the strip club. But now, after some thought, I’ve decided that I would have a problem. So I asked myself why I would have a problem. I realized that it doesn’t have anything to do with insecurity. There are going to be attractive women everywhere and I’m not going to be the only person he finds attractive (as long as there isn’t anything beyond simply admiring a good-looking person) so it’s no BIG deal. What I do believe is that there is a level of respect that should be paid the other partner. Paying money to see half-naked females isn’t very respectable and I find it disrespectful to me. Most importantly my husband will be a Christian and although Christians are human and want bachelor parties too, we have the task of asking ourselves whether or not our actions will please God or at least will he be cool with it. Can you go to church the next day with no guilt or regrets? And lastly if you don’t like strippers and you know God wouldn’t approve but your friends are gun-ho on going to his place then shouldn’t there be some questions you should ask yourself? Is pleasing God or my friends more important? Would my mate be proud of my choice? Is it worth it, monetarily and spiritually?

I think many people have the misconception that going to strip clubs or watching pornography (whether together with your mate or not) doesn’t have an effect on their present of future relationships. These outside people do place a fantasy in the mind of your mate and, to some degree, raises the level of expectation or at least a new-found hope that their mate will be capable of performing the same way and it isn’t fair. I’m not a big fan of porn or strippers and if someone wants to enter into a life with me they need to be the same. Now that doesn’t mean I want him to disregard either if he is attached to them because I am not in the business of changing people. We just simply couldn’t be together.

Marriage: For me or not for me…that is the question

As friends, family and acquaintances get engaged and married left and right I wonder if the right person came into my life would I be ready? I’ll be 25 soon which is of the “marring age” and if you asked me 1 ½ ago did I want to be married I would have told you “yes ASAP!” and I think that was more so for stability, fear of dating and getting caught up, being weak and not pleasing God. But if you ask me today I have no desire to get married before its time. And how will I know its time? When I feel and know myself inside and out and when God presents him to me. When I don’t second guess my feelings, thoughts, and actions in fear of a possible negative reaction. When I complete the age-old adage of having the capability and strength to change what I can, be strong and understand the things I can’t, and have the wisdom to know the difference. When I am completely set in the foundation of me as a daughter, a sister, a grand-daughter, a mother, a Christian, and a whole person. When I have a since of stability and peace with every move I make throughout this journey called life.

A friend of mine who was recently married said that marriage is about completely living for the other person and making them happy. It sounds nice especially when the effort is reciprocated but what about the things that made you, you before he/she came along? What about weekend trips with your friends or just hanging out with the girls? For example, a group of girls were going out of town for the weekend. It was actually her idea and she volunteered her car. So the day before she backs out because her husband wanted her to stay and those were going to ride with her simply could no longer go. Is that not selfish? And rude might I add. That just seems way too caught up in the other person. If going on that trip was going to make her happy (since we are suppose to be living for the other person) then why couldn’t he wait until she got back? They ARE married and it is just TWO days away from home. I know I don’t want that. I want a man who is happy when I’m happy being the “me” I was before we said “I do” and vice versa. I want to surprise him with super bowl tickets and a weekend in the city with his boys. If he is someone I’m going to marry I’m going to completely trust him (not because I have to but because I expect it to come natural and if it doesn’t he isn’t for me) and I want him to still maintain a sense of who he is. There should be no “completing” going on but instead two whole people sharing a life with a some compromises to make the merging of two lives work but not at the risk of sacrificing identities and a sense of self.