So last week I was running late to pick up my son from daycare. I was trying to get there before 5pm since it's a dollar a minute charge for being late. Well I get pulled over by a cop sitting in the middle of the road with the speed gun (or whatever its called). How did I miss him! Anyway after what seemed like 3 hours he gives me a ticket. I was thinking it was going to be at the most $75 or something. I wasn't going THAT fast. It was $130. As I melted in my seat and drove off I tried to think of how I was going to pay this. As a single-parent-grad student I don't have much money to spare.
I read the ticket and it said that if I don't pay the ticket in 7 days they would suspend my license and put a warrent out for my arrest. DANG! Ohio is serious about this! There was also an option to go to court. Since I didn't have the money I opted for going to court. I dropped my son off at daycare and went to the court house. The court room was full of people with their own traffic violations.
Everyone had to bring in an attdance slip located outside the room to give to some lady up front and then a second person called you up to discuss your case. You have the option of entering in a guilty, no contest, or not guitly plea. If you enter not guilty then you have go to court again.
As I sat there I was wondering what I was going to say. I'm sure these people hear sob stories everyday about how someone can't pay for this because of XY and Z. I don't want to give excuses and I didn't want to enter a not guilty plea because I know I was speeding.
When my name was finally called the judge told me to come to the bench. She explained my ticket, and asked my plea which I said was guilty. She said the charge was the charge for the ticket plus $50 plus the court costs. She then asked if I was able to pay the fine today. The conversation went something like this:
Me: I'm not able to the ticket. Is there anyway I could do some community service. I admint I was speeding.
Judge: No. You have to pay for it. I can give you an extension though.
Me: Well, I won't get any money to pay for this until I get my financial aid in the fall.
Judge: When is that?
Me: September.
Judge: That's what you spend your financial aid on?
Me: (weird look on my face). Its just me and my son and I'm in grad school. I dont want to enter a not guilty plea because I WAS speeding I just can't pay for it. If there is another way I can deal with the ticket I will.
Judge: How are you going take care of yorself until then?
Me: I'm teaching an art class over the summer and I'm working with the Upward Bound program.
Judge: (looks at me with a disappointed my-goodness-chile look and did some fast writing) I'll suspended it all. You don't have to pay anything. But you need to stop speeding. You better be glad you got me.
Me: Thank you. Thank you so much!
I left the court room praising God that day. Every since I have had a renewed dedication to Him, he has granted me favor and I thank Him for that... because I NEED it. We need it.
Waiting for more blessings to come :-)
Is God in your life? He DOES work you know :-)
Be blessed!
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
A Mother’s Fear
Yesterday an older cousin of mine came to my house to visit because he was in town visiting his girlfriend. Mind you, he is married with four kids and the “girlfriend” is also married with two. He is in the military and was deployed to Hawaii and has been there for the past few years… that is where he met and lived with the girlfriend. He only had two weeks of leave and planned them around the girlfriend. Not to see his kids or his mother. After he found out how close his mother was to the city he was visiting, he decided to go visit his mother but was going to bring the girlfriend along too. His mother, my aunt is very upset about this and he can’t quite see why.
As an outsider this I what I see. Ten years ago he brought his girlfriend (now wife) to his mother asking for the acceptance of her and to bring her in her life as a daughter. Since my aunt only has one child and has always wanted more she gladly welcomed her in and they have become very close. In addition my aunt has been betrayed my men all of her life from her father up until the last man she has dated. So now her one and only son has not only asked her forget about his wife and now accept this girlfriend, but he has also become the type of man she despises.
Now I’m not a fan of being married just to be married, staying married for the kids, or getting married because you are pregnant. But I DON’T believe in leaving a marriage and a family on a whelm either. After both parties have tried everything then and ONLY then do they get a free pass to play in someone else’s bed.
But something else he has to realize is that he has four kids. Men everywhere need to realize that they have an important place in their children’s lives. For girls, their father will be/should be the first man they will ever love and the first man who is able to show them how love (not lust not sex) is suppose to feel and they should expect nothing less. Boys learn from their fathers what a man is supposed to be. The fathers set THE standard. I don’t think my cousin has thought about the standard he is setting.
As an outsider this I what I see. Ten years ago he brought his girlfriend (now wife) to his mother asking for the acceptance of her and to bring her in her life as a daughter. Since my aunt only has one child and has always wanted more she gladly welcomed her in and they have become very close. In addition my aunt has been betrayed my men all of her life from her father up until the last man she has dated. So now her one and only son has not only asked her forget about his wife and now accept this girlfriend, but he has also become the type of man she despises.
Now I’m not a fan of being married just to be married, staying married for the kids, or getting married because you are pregnant. But I DON’T believe in leaving a marriage and a family on a whelm either. After both parties have tried everything then and ONLY then do they get a free pass to play in someone else’s bed.
But something else he has to realize is that he has four kids. Men everywhere need to realize that they have an important place in their children’s lives. For girls, their father will be/should be the first man they will ever love and the first man who is able to show them how love (not lust not sex) is suppose to feel and they should expect nothing less. Boys learn from their fathers what a man is supposed to be. The fathers set THE standard. I don’t think my cousin has thought about the standard he is setting.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Publik Skool?
Ok, so I have recently been certified as a substitute teacher in surrounding counties. Well my first assignment was for a 5th grade special education class. And me not knowing what district is good or bad I didn't know what I was walking into. Well special ed can mean anything from and behavior problem to a physical issue to a learning disability. So in the middle of the day I helping this little boy with his work and he needed to know how to spell a few words. Instead of just telling him I told him to get a dictionary. There weren't any in he classroom so I had to go to the Library to go check one out. Meaning while he wanted to spell the word "cute". He spelled it "g-o-o-t"!!! Now this boy may have a disability but he isn't stupid. I told him to stop and take his time. Think about the word. So about 3 second later he spelled it "k-u-t-e", which still isn't correct but is a heck of alot closer, plus he IS only in the 5th grade. So when it was taking my lunch break I asked some teachers about the dictionaries and the children's spelling. Can you believe a teacher said "I'm not concerned about their spelling. I'm more concerned with their ideas. I'm a good speller." I looked at her like "what! You are not serious!" But didn't say a word. She said "those special ed kids don't know what a dictionary is or what letters look like let alone how to look them up in the dictionary." I was floored to say the least. These kids in many public school aren't doing bad because something is wrong with them, but there is something wrong with these teachers! The other teacher that was in the classroom I was in just kept saying "many of us are stuck doing this job we didn't want to be here." Well leave! You aren't going the kids any favors making their expectation level sub-par. It's sad. My son is going to private school, or we are moving to super white part of town were the good education is. That's sad to say but at my last two sub jobs when I worked in the "upper class" district with NO black teachers or any teachers of color ( and when I say NO I mean not ONE Black, Hispanic, Asian, or India teacher in sight.. Completely Lilly white) and NO black students well I saw one mixed girl I guess she counts as black, they had the nicest school I have ever seen. Just beautiful. Kids in million dollar homes who go home to watch TV in the home theater! Seriously, a movie theater. Out-of-control.
Publik skool. I'll think about it, but right now its a hands down no thanks.
Publik skool. I'll think about it, but right now its a hands down no thanks.
Crum vs Young
So I'm a having a bunch of baby-daddy drama. I got involved with my son's father due to poor judgment and I am paying for it now. We weren't in a relationship just "kicking it" and mistakes well unintended circumstances occurred. I became pregnant. I don't like to say "mistake" because that implies that if I had a chance to rewind time I would change that "mistake" and that's not the case for me.
Well my son's father is a special case. He is almost 10 years older than me and acts 10 years younger. I understand that having a child is a life changing experience on SOO many levels. And I understand that people cope with that change differently, but it is NOT solely my fault that we were presented with this situation. He has treated me so horribly during this situation, taking his anger out on me that I just want him out of our lives. He threatened to terminated his parental rights thinking that would upset me, when actually that would make me ecstatic! And I would let him take that measly $100-something dollars a month along with him. I would terminate the child support if that meant I would no longer have to deal with this jerk.
A part of me saying I shouldn't call him a jerk simply because he lacks maturity and coping skills. But then again, that doesn't give him license to treat me the way he has and said the things he has. I could go through the examples but I don't feel like re-hashing and plus it could take all day. The newest "thing" is that he wants to change MY son's last name from Crum to Young and is willing to take me to court over it. I guess since he just graduating from law school and everything he wants make this his first case. He gave me a story about how my son will grow up being picked on if he has my last name because that means his parents weren't together and it implies that his father isn't in his life blah blah blah, and how when he goes to pick him up from daycare there could be confusion if he is the parent or not blah blah blah... Well I did a little survey and out of the guys I talked to with their mother's name ZERO got picked on and thought is was ludicrous to think so. He has also picked my son up from day care and there was not a problem. And he was never picked on. He got all of that story from a name change case that happened here in Ohio. I read the case myself.
But since he rarely follows through with anything he says we shall see if he puts this motion in to play. I'm not worried whatever is to happen will happen. I gave him the opportunity to claim my son a long time ago. And he still has that opportunity. I have never denied him access to him. I asked him if he wanted to be a part of his life and if he choose to be, then he can have his last name. He said he didn't want anything to do with him so I gave my son MY father's last name. The name of the family who loves him and has loved him before they ever saw him... and some still haven't been able to see him and they still love him.
He has spoken so much death in his son's life and has tried to get his way through lying and manipulation that whatever he does WILL come back to haunt him in one form or another. Whether when he does want to have a another child with someone, then that child won't live or if he/she does they will hate him. Or my son will abhor the very ground he walks on... his one and only son. And that won't be because of me that will be because of Karma. And if you don't think you don't reap what you sow.. try it. Plant seeds of unforgivingness, hatred, vindictiveness, deceitfulness, anger, and manipulation and see what come back at you. It's a spiritual principle whether you are religious or not. We will see what happens, but I want my son's name to say Crum because as indecisive as his father is, who knows if he will remain in his life. And I don't want my son to remember the fact that his father chose not be around and not to be in his life, every time he writes his name.
Well my son's father is a special case. He is almost 10 years older than me and acts 10 years younger. I understand that having a child is a life changing experience on SOO many levels. And I understand that people cope with that change differently, but it is NOT solely my fault that we were presented with this situation. He has treated me so horribly during this situation, taking his anger out on me that I just want him out of our lives. He threatened to terminated his parental rights thinking that would upset me, when actually that would make me ecstatic! And I would let him take that measly $100-something dollars a month along with him. I would terminate the child support if that meant I would no longer have to deal with this jerk.
A part of me saying I shouldn't call him a jerk simply because he lacks maturity and coping skills. But then again, that doesn't give him license to treat me the way he has and said the things he has. I could go through the examples but I don't feel like re-hashing and plus it could take all day. The newest "thing" is that he wants to change MY son's last name from Crum to Young and is willing to take me to court over it. I guess since he just graduating from law school and everything he wants make this his first case. He gave me a story about how my son will grow up being picked on if he has my last name because that means his parents weren't together and it implies that his father isn't in his life blah blah blah, and how when he goes to pick him up from daycare there could be confusion if he is the parent or not blah blah blah... Well I did a little survey and out of the guys I talked to with their mother's name ZERO got picked on and thought is was ludicrous to think so. He has also picked my son up from day care and there was not a problem. And he was never picked on. He got all of that story from a name change case that happened here in Ohio. I read the case myself.
But since he rarely follows through with anything he says we shall see if he puts this motion in to play. I'm not worried whatever is to happen will happen. I gave him the opportunity to claim my son a long time ago. And he still has that opportunity. I have never denied him access to him. I asked him if he wanted to be a part of his life and if he choose to be, then he can have his last name. He said he didn't want anything to do with him so I gave my son MY father's last name. The name of the family who loves him and has loved him before they ever saw him... and some still haven't been able to see him and they still love him.
He has spoken so much death in his son's life and has tried to get his way through lying and manipulation that whatever he does WILL come back to haunt him in one form or another. Whether when he does want to have a another child with someone, then that child won't live or if he/she does they will hate him. Or my son will abhor the very ground he walks on... his one and only son. And that won't be because of me that will be because of Karma. And if you don't think you don't reap what you sow.. try it. Plant seeds of unforgivingness, hatred, vindictiveness, deceitfulness, anger, and manipulation and see what come back at you. It's a spiritual principle whether you are religious or not. We will see what happens, but I want my son's name to say Crum because as indecisive as his father is, who knows if he will remain in his life. And I don't want my son to remember the fact that his father chose not be around and not to be in his life, every time he writes his name.
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