What is the ideal man?

Now, easily stepping my foot back in the dating pool (more so with EXTREME hesitance) I have decided to evaluate what type of man is MY ideal man. I have never done this before with complete focus, so now is a good time to. Not only is it important to make a list of necessary characteristics but also a reason why. A lot of time we women say general things like, "I want him to be nice, caring, sweet..." etc. but what does that mean exactly? What would make him nice or caring or sweet? I think many times we don't know what we want so when we get what we think we want and we don't know what to do with it. Therefore a list (with reasonings)may help with this thought process.

1) He has to love kids
This is a given. I have a son and I want more children

2)Have to be a proactive parent
Whoever if marry (if i get married)will have to be a father. A ready-made father at that. I don't want to be the only parent in charge of punishments or praise. He needs to be ready to fulfill a role

3) Willing to adopt at least one child
There are so many un-adopted black children in America and people are willing to travel half-way around to world to get other children. Black boys are the least adopted and many travel through the foster system their whole lives feeling unwanted. And we wonder why our Black men are more likely to end up in prison rather than college.

4) Not have any kids
Yes that sound VERY contradictory since I have a child, but it is more of a preference than a necessity. He won't have to worry about my son's father but most likely his child won't be in his home. The child will most likely be staying with the mother or a relative. I would rather not have to deal with baby-mama drama. But again its a preference.

5)Over 6'2''
This may sound superficial but I'm tall and I have dated guys shorter than me and it makes me uncomfortable. I don't fell feminine. People say I have to just suck it up because I'm tall and the average man is shorter than me, but all of that is relative. Whether you are 5'6 woman or a 6'6 woman at the end of the day if he is shorter than you he is SHORT to YOU. It just feels weird to me and I don't like it.

6) Can make a significant financial contribution to the houseold
I got in a conversation with a group of guys about this and they made me out to be a golddigger. I don't see how that can be. Statistics show that as a black woman wating a relationship with a black man, I will most likely have the most education, the best job and make the most money. I'm ok with making the most money, but don't want to support him. And I don't mean support in a "good job honey, i'm here to support you" kind of way. I mean I don't want to support in a "honey I just paid the rent/morgage, electric bill, car note, insurance, phone bill, and cable. Could you please...maybe put some gas in the car...possibly...please." I'm not having it. MOST of the woman in my family are supporting their men. And when I say most I mean like I can think of 2 yes TWO women who don't provide the main support. My mother, grandmother, aunts, uncle's girlfriends/wives/fiances, all are the finaicial backbone for the household. When my mother was hurt on the job and had to recover there was little help from her husband. Lights were turned off, bills weren't paid and my mother couldn't recover completely with assurance. She had to go back to work early in order for everything to go back to normal. I don't want that. I want more kids and my past pregnancy wasn't the greatest. I most likely won't be able to work full-time for a while and I want my husband to be able to help the family. That isn't too much to ask.

7) Regardless of how much money he makes I want him to have a understanding of money and be fiscally responsible
He has to have an understanding of what his worth is in assets and trying to raise his worth. If he knows what disposible income is and what net worth is, he won't be out here trying to buy expensive car and clothes. He wouldn't spend his pay check on new rims, candy paint or a wood-grained dashboard. I need him to know his credit score, know what an IRA is and a 401K. And if he doesn't know, that's cool I don't know everything, but I need him to already have a willingness to learn more about it with me.

8)Has to be masculine
Now this is one of those ambigous traits we women tend to say. I like traditional things. He opens doors, let me order first, has an understanding of the workings of a car. He has to have a presence.I want to feel protected and safe around him. I want him to have good conflict resolution skills (rarely gets into fights) and able to stand up for me whenever necessary. He has to exuded confidence...its just intangible. He doesn't have to say much. I don't have to see his car, or know what he does for a living. He doesn't need to try to make me jealous and try to impress me with his major/degrees/acomplishments (be humble!). He just is. Just is. When he initially approaches me he isn't nervous. He knows what he wants to say and does what he wants to do with strength and security. For example, a few friends and I went out to get something to eat. My friend told us that one of her male friends was in town and invited him to join us. We all order, eat, and the check comes. In mid-conversation, he takes the check, puts he card in the check holder and kept talking. Now, we were all expecting to pay but he said the dinner was on him and didn't ask us for our numbers or anything in return. Him paying wasn't the masculine part, just the way he asserted himself with such smoothness was fantastic.

9) Fears God
Not in a "I go to church on Easter and pray when I want something" kind of Christian but a man after God's heart. We all stumble along the way but at the end of the day he has to make God a priority. I want him to show our children how to pray and the importance of God.

10) Be a role model
I determine this by asking myself, "would I want my son to be just like him." After addressing all of his good and bad traits I should be willing to say "yes"

11)Interested in his community
Our community, the Black community, won't get any better if we do't do anything about it. Especially our children. I would like for him to have a serious interest in bettering his community

12) Able to show emotions
I want him to be able to tell me how he feels. Be able to show happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, in the most intimate of moments with the understanding that I am there for him ready to support and listen to whatever he has to say. Now, I don't want him to be a water bag crying all over the place nor do I want him to be SO masculine that he feels he need to act a certain way around me. I want him to be comfortable around me and be able to express to me what I need to do in order to make that comfortable atmosphere for him.

13) Love his job
If you are unhappy with something you have to do everyday that is going to end up spilling over into the home. If he doesn't "love" his job, he should to have a plan that gets him out of that job and into something he loves.

14) Has hobbies/other activites
I think it is important to have something that allows you to escape from everyday life. Whether it be, fixing cars, fishing, gardening, shooting pool,or being an ACTIVE member of an organization. Whatever it is that doesn't have to include me or the family can help in maintaining his identity and allow for him to just get away. He just needs to make sure family and God are priorities over this hobby.

15) Has friends
I have seen what happens when the woman has friends and an outgoing personailty and the guy seems to weigh her down. I have also seen it vice-versa. The woman has made her man her life and doesn't know what to do without him. I want to know his friends and meet his friends, as he would do the same with me, but I want him to have his "guys night out" and be able to have fun with his friends.

16) Makes me laugh
Pretty straight forward. I'm sarcastic and like to clown, he has to be funny too.

17) Doesn't abuse any drugs
Doesn't smoke ANYTHING or shoot up ANYTHING. Drinking socially is cool but he can't be a habitual drunk.

18) Interested in an over all healthy lifestyle
Eating right, exercising etc. I have started my health lifestly after I had my son and have lost 20 pounds and plan to keep going for the rest of my life. I want us both to live long and healthy lives for our children, grandchildren and their children

19) Intersted in travel and other cultures
I want to travel more and I would love to live and learn with my mate

20)Eager to better himself
He should be able to ask "why" to his emotions and actions as well those of the world. But not just for the sake of asking but as a productive measure or means to an end. He should see life as an endless journey. I would love for both of us to take that journey and discover more of ourselves and each other

This is all I can think of for now, but this just might sum it all up. Now as I look for these thing in future "daters" I also find it important to discover what makes me or what could make me a great mate. Another thing us women do is point alot of is fingers at others without pointing them at ourselves. That list will come soon :-)